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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305266">White Trashing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scumprince/pseuds/Scumprince'>Scumprince</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Break Up Talk, Gay Billy Hargrove, Heavy Angst, Hurt Steve Harrington, I'm Sorry, M/M, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Underage Drinking, breaking up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:53:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24305266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scumprince/pseuds/Scumprince</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Live in endless afternoon<br/>Making love to the Sunday cartoons<br/>White trashing with you<br/>All that glitters is not gold<br/>And this same place is getting old</p><p>+</p><p>Or the one where Billy and Steve are on again/off again before Billy finally decides what needs to happen.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>White Trashing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was heavily inspired by White Trashing by Nicole Dollanganger.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’d been two months since Billy had decided to move in with Steve; they had been dating on and off for almost two years when the Harrington boy had asked the always angry Hargrove boy to move in with him. Billy's life with Neil wasn’t the best, in fact it was a cigar burn to the upper forearm on a good day; their relationship was rocky and that was <em>on the good days</em>, the bad days were the days when Billy couldn't leave his room, a cracked rib or bruised sternum would keep him confined to his bed. <br/>Steve had made the decision to let Billy live with him so I could be in a healthy, safe environment. The decision had been made after Billy wound up in the ER with a cracked orbital bone, a mistake of saying no to Neil.</p><p>The boys didn't have to worry about Steve's family being around, his father was always on a business trip and his mother was always visiting <em>family. <br/></em>It wasn't long before their days moulded together smoothly like coffee and milk, they slept together, showered together and carpooled to their jobs together, Billy always the one to drop his boyfriend off 90% of the time - mostly attributed to the fact Billy liked to try and get Steve hard in his Scoops uniform. Steve would never admit it to anyone other than Billy, but he was hopelessly in love with the Hargrove boy and everything he was, but for whatever reason that he couldn’t place his finger on, he felt trapped by him. <em><br/></em></p><p>Some nights, Steve would wake up next to Billy and watch the rise and fall of his chest as he slept soundly. He would study his face and wonder why he felt like he was drowning. Why he felt like the bedroom walls around them were closing in and why he couldn’t breathe when Billy would cuddle him close at night, or when they'd do mundane, day to day things. </p><p>When Billy and Steve would have sex, Steve coming completely undone below Billy's touch, he would whisper sweet, incoherent nothings to Billy; half mad on the pleasure from Billy's cock, would babble about how much he loved him, how he never wanted Billy to leave and how they would be together forever and the thought of being with sweet, broken Billy Hargrove for the rest of his life, frightened him. Nancy believed he had commitment issues, Steve didn’t think that was true because he was living with Billy and people who have commitment issues don’t do that, <em>right</em>? </p><p>“Penny for your thoughts?” Billy's voice brings Steve back to reality and he looks over at him from across the table, milk is dribbling down his chin from his breakfast. He’s always been a messy eater. </p><p>“Hmm?” Steve asks, “Oh. Nothing, just tired."</p><p>He scoops another mouthful of cereal into his mouth and sloppily wipes his chin with the back of his hand. “You should sleep more, lack of sleep isn't god for you, King Steve." Even though they weren't in high school anymore, Billy still insisted on using the old nickname for his boyfriend. </p><p>It was normal for Steve and Billy to break up from time to time, Billy would get too much in his own head, do something stupid and Steve would leave in retaliation. <br/>Or Billy would want to go out on his own and disappear for a few days before coming back to Steve, on his hands and knees, begging for the sweet boy to take him back. <br/>Despite the back and forth, and even though Billy had expressed that he didn't want to be like <em>those </em>couples, they couldn't help it. <br/><br/><em>“That’s what my Mom and Dad did. I don’t want us to be like that.”</em> Billy had said. But it seemed like he had just ignored his own plea because that’s what Billy and Steve ended up doing. They were stuck in a viscous cycle that neither knew how to stop. </p><p>Steve watched Billy from the kitchen as he finishes the last bit of his cereal before bringing his bowl to the sink. He plants a quick kiss on Steve's cheek and he smiles at him. </p><p>“I’m gonna get ready for work, I’ll meet you outside?”</p><p>Billy always got ready before Steve, right before breakfast. It helped him to make sure he didn’t spend twelve hours on fixing his hair and finding just the right open chested shirt to wear; even though he would just get straight into his mechanic uniform the minute he stepped into work. </p><p>He grabs his wallet from the counter near the chairs and pick up his boots by the door, slipping them over his socks. He waits for Billy by the cars, watching his boyfriend slip into the drivers seat of his Camaro so he can take him to Starcourt. </p><p>Steve wonders, only slightly, if Steve gets tired of doing everything together as well.  </p><p>*****</p><p>“How was work?” Nancy asks, Steve and her usually finished around the same time, so they had begun spending most afternoons together, he would never actually admit it, but the was glad Nancy and him could maintain some semblance of a friendship. </p><p>“Pretty bad.” He lights a cigarette, inhaling the nicotine. “My minds been elsewhere.” </p><p>“Like where?” Nancy fumbles around her bag for her own cigarettes, Steve can't remember when she picked up the habit, but she smoked almost as much as her Mom. </p><p>“When you’re with Jon, do you ever feel like you're in a box?” He asks, asking his cigarette. “Do you feel like the entire world is closing in on you when you’re next to him?” </p><p>She pulls out a cigarette and answers him before sticking the smoke between her glossed lips, “No, when I’m with Jon, I feel like the whole world stops spinning and it’s just me and him. Why are you asking?” </p><p>He sighs softly, handing her his lighter. He doesn't know how to tell her him and Billy are having issues again. Are they even issues? Maybe a problem? He doesn’t even think it’s a “we” problem. More of a “me” problem. “I don't wanna start sounding like a little girl, but I think I might break up with Billy.” </p><p>“Again?” She questions. “Didn’t you <em>just </em>get back together?” She brushes some hair behind her ear. “Aren’t you living with him?” </p><p>“That’s the thing Nancy, I really thought we were gonna work this time. But I just feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do. I get these ideas in my head and it just swallows me whole.” </p><p>"Steve, I gotta pick Mike up from school, but I’ll call Robin and we’ll meet this afternoon at Starcourt and talk?” </p><p>"Nance." He protests.</p><p>"Yeah, I get it, you don't do feelings, but c'mon Steve, not this shit again." She walks off towards her car, and Steve takes the fifteen minute walk to the shop to go home with Billy.  </p><p>*****</p><p>Steve is the first at Starcourt, he slides into a booth at the cafe in the food court and waits for the girls, he still got a little uppity about emotions and sharing how he felt, but he had learnt over the past two years, that sometimes talking about the way you felt was okay; and even though both of the girls were polar opposites, they did give good advice. </p><p>Nancy and Robin both arrive together, the latter most likely catching the lift. They both slip into the small booth across from me and order themselves drinks and some fries to share. </p><p>“So what’s up, Buttercup?” Robin asks, setting her purse on the table. </p><p>Steve shakes his head softly. “I think there’s something wrong with me.” he says. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Nancy murmurs. </p><p>“Billy and I are okay, right? We’re fine. And he’s really changed as a person since we got together. He doesn't even get into fights that much anymore since I got with him, he keeps me grounded, I keeps his ass outta trouble. But theres this voice inside of me telling me to get out and that I’m trapped. And I honestly feel like I’m drowning when I’m with him.” He does his best to explain, anxiety ripples through him like a waterfall. </p><p>“Steve.” Robin says softly. “You know you need to break up with him. You guys have broken up enough times I have to use both hands to count.” She says. “You can’t keep breaking up and getting back together, it’s toxic.” </p><p>“I know that, Robin. I get it.” He take a mouthful of his shake. “When I try and officially break up with him, I just think about how lonely he is and how he isn’t with anybody and it kills me inside and I feel so horrible and I go back to him.” </p><p>“Why can’t you just stay away from him?” Nancy questions. </p><p>“Because I am physically incapable of staying away from him. The minute were alone in a room together we just <em>need </em>to be with one another. When we break up and we end up in bed together, we’re back together that same day and it’s killing me that this keeps happening.” He puts his head in his hand, fighting the urge to cry. “I love him too much to just let him go</p><p>“You need to do what’s best for the both of you. This isn’t working for either of you.” Nancy tries. </p><p>“You’re just going to end up hating each other if you don’t.” Robin agrees. </p><p>What they’re both saying is true and Steve knows he needs to break up with Billy, for good this time, he just doesn't know how. </p><p>*****</p><p>They're laying in bed, when Steve tells Billy what we need to do. He’s silent at first before he asks Steve why. </p><p>“Billy, do you see what we’re doing to each other?” He asks. “We break up, get back together only to break up with each again a month later. It’s so exhausting.” </p><p>“But we can work on it?” He tries, moving closer to the smaller boy on the bed. </p><p>Steve wipes a stray tear away from his eyes as he looks at Billy. “That’s not what I want. We’ve been trying for two years! I’m so tired of trying, Billy. It’s not working.” </p><p>“You mean you’re not letting it work.” </p><p>“That’s not fair.” </p><p>“<em>You’re</em> not being fair.” </p><p>“Billy I can’t do this anymore.” Steve sniffs. “I can’t, it’s too much.” </p><p>“Tell me what’s too much for you and we can change it then!” He argues. </p><p>“We can’t change this! We can’t! It’s impossible to change! Don’t you get that? What aren’t you getting?” He's trying to keep his voice calm so so he doesn’t end up yelling at him. </p><p>“I don’t get why you want to break up with me when our relationship was going so well!” He shouts. </p><p>He puts his head in his hands and lets out a sob. “Billy I am just as confused as you are! I don’t want to keep putting you through this mess! It isn’t fair.” He tells him softly, he looks at him, Billy is all tight lipped and clenched jaw. </p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I don’t love you anymore!” Steve finally breaks. </p><p>The silence fills the air between them and almost engulfs them both.</p><p>“Fine.” He finally says. “If you want me to go, I'll fuckin' go.” </p><p>"I'll help you pack your things." Steve offers softly but Billy doesn't answer him. </p><p>Billy and Steve are silent while they pack Billy's things into plastic bags and small suitcases and stray boxes. Billy piles it all into the Camaro before silently getting in and driving away from the Harrington residence, not even saying goodbye to Steve as he leaves and Steve doesn't even blame him. </p><p>He had just torn Billy's heart out and eaten it in front of him. </p><p>*****</p><p>Fifteen days and six hours since Billy and Steve last spoke, Steve couldn’t be mad at him for ignoring him; breaks up were never meant to be easy and there wasn’t anything wrong with the way Billy had decided to deal with this break up.<br/>Steve just wasn’t used to the silence. </p><p>Normally, when they would break up, Billy would berate Steve with phone calls and he could never have a moment to himself without him asking Steve if they were going to get back together. So Billy's silence was terrifying. </p><p>Steve is resting against the counter at scoops, watching the front entrance hoping that Billy might walk by at some point. </p><p>“Steve, mister hair, how are things with you and Billy?” Robin asks, scooping some ice cream onto a stick and eating it. </p><p>Steve shrugs. “I don’t know. We haven’t spoken since we broke up, which is good I guess, but it’s also weird.” </p><p>“How’s it weird?” Robin questions.  </p><p>“Usually, when we break up, we’re talking by the third day and then we’re back together by the fourth day. But we haven’t said a word to each other in fifteen days, so that’s why it’s weird. I wonder if he's okay.”</p><p>“I don't know, Billy has always been, you know, solo. What I do know though, is there’s a party near the old community hall if you want to come?” Robin tries. “A party might get your mind off Billy for a little bit?” </p><p>Steve thinks about the idea of a party, its true that it will help him to stop thinking and worrying about Billy but he also hasn't had time to just let go over the past two weeks. “I mean, I guess?” He says, leaning back off the corner “When’s it start?” </p><p>“Nine. Make sure you're there Harrington, or I will be forced to bring the party to Casa el Steve?” Robin warns. </p><p>Steve laughs softly, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Yeah, I’ll be there.” </p><p>******</p><p>He's a lot drunker than he thought he would get, Steve tries his best to keep his balance as he fumbles his way over to some stable seating, he needs water that's for damn sure. </p><p>Cool hands wrap around his waist and he grips onto the strangers wrists. </p><p>“Steve, wow, steady now." Its Jonathon who helps him sit on the grass, making sure his head is between his knees. "You right man?"</p><p>“Jusst, a bit… tipsy.” He slurs. Jon helps to make sure Steve doesn't lean too far forward. </p><p>"Is he okay?" </p><p>Steve recognises that voice and he throws his head back to make sure he's not dreaming. </p><p>
  <em>Billy.</em>
</p><p>Steve can almost make him out, in all his deafening glory. </p><p>"I'll take it from here."</p><p>Jon and Billy share an awkward exchange before the Byers boy leaves the two alone, Billy squats in front of Steve, promptly tapping three knuckles on Harringtons' forehead. </p><p>"Why do you insist on drinking when you know you can't handle the liquor?" </p><p>"Take me home." More demand than request but Billy is more than happy to oblige.</p><p>*****</p><p>Moonlight streams in through Steve's open curtain by the time the boy opens his eyes, he's fully clothed and laying next to a shirtless Billy who is lying on his stomach. He watches him sleeping for a moment before he reaches out and runs his finger over his shoulder blade and stops just short of the scar on his back near his ribs. It was from a bike accident when he was a kid, it’s white compared to the sun kissed colour of the rest of his skin. </p><p>Bolly is so beautiful when he sleeps and Steve would always value the moments he was able to wake up next to Billy while he was sleeping. </p><p>He look around his room and take note of all of the parts of it that lack Billy and his touch. His floor is lacking the clothes, his desk missing the car parts and empty lucky strike packets; his sheets void of the smell of Billy. </p><p>He rolls onto his side so he has a better view of Billy and places his open palm in the middle of his back. He moves, before rolling over and letting out a soft snore. Steve touches the Hargrove boys face next, cupping his cheek in his hand and he watches his eyelids flutter open. </p><p>“Steve, what are you doing?” He murmurs, still half asleep. </p><p>“Admiring you.” Steve whisper back. </p><p>He lets out a tired chuckle, pulling the covers up closer around the both of them. His hand snakes around Steve's waist and pulls him closer to him. “I forgot how warm you are.” He says. </p><p>“Billy?” </p><p>“Mmm?” </p><p>“Can we be friends?” I offer. “I miss you.” </p><p>He’s silent and Steve wonders if he’s gone back to sleep, he speaks a bit louder for someone talking in the dead of night and it almost gives Steve a fright. </p><p>“Friends?” He asks. </p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“I want to, I really do. But I love you too much to just sit by and be your friend, you know? I wouldn’t be able to handle watching you with someone else, like if you ended up dating someone new. It would just kill me to sit by and be your friend while you were happy with someone else when you could never be happy with me.  Does that make sense?” </p><p>The tears well in Steves eyes and he's too hungover and too sad to fight them as they spill. “Yeah, I understand.” </p><p>“I didn’t meant to make you upset.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“We can still talk, but I just can’t do friends. Not yet.” </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>The silence fills the room again and it’s almost becoming familiar, like it belongs around the pair somehow. Steve turn my head to look at Billy and offers him a weak smile. “We can’t keep doing this to each other, Billy.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>Steve rolls onto his side so his back is to Billy, who promptly pulls the boy closer so they're spooning and it’s a bit easier to fall asleep when we’re like this. You fall into a routine when you’re with someone that when you aren’t together it’s almost hard to break. </p><p>He sleeps better that night with Billy than he had in fifteen days they had been a part and when Steve wakes up, Billy is still there, under the covers, caught in the cusp of the in between. </p><p>Steve Harrington loved Billy Hargrove, but just not how he wanted him to. <br/>Not anymore. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was just a little bit of a palate cleanser while I continue to work on completing my dog teeth series. :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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